okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
