oh god the rape fog is back!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
