Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
