apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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