I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
