would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fill condoms, not promises.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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