the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize