but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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