your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
