Where did you get a picture of my penis
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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