so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
