My liver just broke up with me...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
