I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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