She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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