I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
