i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
