Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
