she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize