Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
