You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
