I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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