Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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