My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize