The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
