remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
