We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
