Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
