rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
