You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
