I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
