I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
