I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
