just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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