Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
