Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
