Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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