i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
