Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
