you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
