I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
