Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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