This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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