I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
