Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
