On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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