when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
