how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize