I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We got so high we made milksteak
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
