Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
