so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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