Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
