He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want a musical about memes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
