would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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