her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
