Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
