My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
