did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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