and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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