they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
