We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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