New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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