I'm so fucking centered right now
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
