my sisters under your porch take her home
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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