Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
