just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
