it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
