In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
