miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize