I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
