He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
