dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
