after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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