My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
