Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize