I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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