Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
