so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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