just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
