Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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