I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
