Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
